Reflections: My Met Competition Journey

I would be a liar if I said I didn't hope to move on to the next round for my final shot. I don't have a monstrous ego, but I expect myself to improve every time in every way, so ending this in the "same place" is hard for me. I dreamed of this version of myself singing on that stage for the first time through this competition. If I dream it, I am doing everything in my power to make it happen.

I have heard from folks for a long time that I seem cool under pressure, easy-going, and nonchalant. I always find that observation hilarious because it's not my truth. Although in competition and audition spaces, I am always warm, smiling, and supportive toward my colleagues, I am simultaneously holding a sharpened blade of ferocity toward myself. I hold myself to a higher standard than any judge could, and I push like hell for the finish lines. For this dream this year especially, I added to my arsenal. I did everything to improve my pieces with the best ears and fingers around - thank you to each of you; the list would be longer than this post. For the first time, I had the privilege to be rigorous about rest - not over-projecting, or scheduling. I put everything out on the dancefloor, and I am so proud of that work.

In the end, those pieces were/are better than ever, and I am a better musician for my work and investment in this dream. The day before the competition, I caught a bug (I am currently typing this one day later, breathing like Darth Vader with a pile of tissues next to me, a headache, and a dry cough) that had me sounding like a baritone the day before. I did everything in my disaster bag of tricks to get on that stage and sing my heart out. After a bunch of negative tests and contemplating withdrawal, I managed it the best I could, and I made it on the board. I did everything I could, and it wasn't enough to take me to NYC with this immense talent. And, sickness aside, that stings and aches all over.

BUT, one thing I will always have is perspective. I dreamed of being one of the badasses that hit that stage in the semis and the finals of this competition and having a major career. I will not be. I join the league of badasses who have not hit that stage in the semis nor finals AND have major careers. OH WELL! I have done enough dreaming to know that once you set a goal or a dream and you work to achieve it, you will either succeed or fail. Either way, you must redirect your energy and ambition to new dreams, bigger dreams. I will do just that. I will write myself new dreams and strive for them.

So, I am stinging today; I'm drinking hot chocolate on the couch, puffy-eyed, sniffling, and irritating my wife and cat, but I don't feel helpless or hopeless. Sure, a big part of me wants to find myself guilty of not doing enough, and another part still wants to deem me not good enough, tall enough to stand alongside my dreams. But in writing this, and sharing these pictures (scroll to the last slide) to hope to show you and me the "how it started" vs the "how it's going" to remind us that rejection and failure don't always look the same. I am reminding myself that I have earned and continue to earn the right to stand next to my dreams. I was a worthy artist with something to say in 2020-2021 as much as I am in the 2023-2024 season and every season afterwards. That's good enough for me.

If you are following me and see me setting an example of anything, let it be of getting back up on the horse. I dream big and fail big. I love finding new ways of showing growth through my work, and my presence. My only regret is not starting this process sooner. I underestimated my ability to learn and grow from failing, listening, and building my team, and I won't do it again. Use these competitions as vehicles to build connections with the industry and your colleagues and not as a barometer of your worth. ❤️

For the visual version of this story, check it out on my Instagram!